Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
