I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
