I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
