I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
God, I missed his penis.
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