Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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