Where did you get a picture of my penis
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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