so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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