It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
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Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
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for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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