I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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