4 words: hood of his car
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
