you win again, gameday.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
