Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
