So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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