needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
did i just pee glitter
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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