Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I had to cum in my sink.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
