Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
