i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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