I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
