I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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