How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
