Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
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I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
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She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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