part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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