Pants 0. Shit 1.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
