i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize