New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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