You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
