You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
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Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
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I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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