So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
