I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
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In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
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At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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