If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Randomize
