i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
