You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize