We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
