it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
