I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
