But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I touched a dick in church today
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
