My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
