The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
