My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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