I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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