i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
