These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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