I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i dont even know how to be here
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
