i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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