I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
