Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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