What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Life is so much better after having sex.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize