Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
