I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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