she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I still have a little drunk in my system
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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