yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
