i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Are we still banned from the library?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
