i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
