chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
