Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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