My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
She said her name was "party"
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
