it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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