Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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