Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
