im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
