There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
