Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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