I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
