The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
