and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
