I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
