Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize