forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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