Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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